Hi ! My name is Fez. I am a 6- month- old adorable hostage of Cindy Neubauer. Adorable may be a strong word, but trust me the picture does not do me justice. My personality is reckless and on the edge. Most people find fault with that. I think my faults are few, but I drive some in the household crazy.
To some I may appear threatening,
but I’m just here to chill. I check out Mom’s kitchen and hope for a spill. I’m fed every day my own kitty food. I enjoy it once, and it is scavenged by other A.D.D. felines, who don’t know the program.
My captors were quite cruel in my younger days. They constantly talk about my smell and how my farts would gag anyone. They also practiced some terrible torture not unlike water boarding as they held me tightly in their vice-like grip.
If that’s not bad enough, then they wrap me in a scratchy towel and expose me to hurricane force winds for three or four minutes.
I’m telling you now these women are just mean, even the feline one. She hasn’t quit hissing since I came on the scene. You’d think she of all women would relate to my pain, as I am not the only torture victim here.
These people just piss me off. Why me?!
It will take me hours to dry off and not smell like Fruity Pebbles. My tongue is no longer rough as it should be. After hours of post torture grooming, it’s as slick as snot on a doorknob.
I mean, I try to be a half-full cup kind of guy. Every new household apparatus gives me a new adventure.
See! Fun right? Gotzya!
Oh No! Here she comes. This ones going to bite me in the ass!
These near misses are going to drive me crazy.
I can see all that has happened may drive me to drink even.
Ya some day I’ll be all Jacked up.
Maybe some day I’ll not care.
All I really want is to have fun, sniff a few butts, and get acquainted with the ladies of the house.
So why all the hostility?
All I require is peace among my fellow captives, a soft place to lie,
And an occasional belly-rub and life could be grand.
By the way, my human Mary had a birthday this week. She was given a guidance device named Garrmin
All the humans sang songs as Angel left the room in a hisss. Hates music. What planet is this wench from? Cookies were also awarded, but I passed. No fish flavor. No thanks. I wouldn’t feed them to my human. However it was the first smiling faces that I’ve seen, since my arrival.
I hope to see you soon, before I loose any more body parts. Being male I must divulge at least a hint of all the twisted secrets they are holding back for no apparent reason. Big deal! Later then; your XY brother.
To some I may appear threatening,
but I’m just here to chill. I check out Mom’s kitchen and hope for a spill. I’m fed every day my own kitty food. I enjoy it once, and it is scavenged by other A.D.D. felines, who don’t know the program.
My captors were quite cruel in my younger days. They constantly talk about my smell and how my farts would gag anyone. They also practiced some terrible torture not unlike water boarding as they held me tightly in their vice-like grip.
If that’s not bad enough, then they wrap me in a scratchy towel and expose me to hurricane force winds for three or four minutes.
I’m telling you now these women are just mean, even the feline one. She hasn’t quit hissing since I came on the scene. You’d think she of all women would relate to my pain, as I am not the only torture victim here.
These people just piss me off. Why me?!
It will take me hours to dry off and not smell like Fruity Pebbles. My tongue is no longer rough as it should be. After hours of post torture grooming, it’s as slick as snot on a doorknob.
I mean, I try to be a half-full cup kind of guy. Every new household apparatus gives me a new adventure.
See! Fun right? Gotzya!
Oh No! Here she comes. This ones going to bite me in the ass!
These near misses are going to drive me crazy.
I can see all that has happened may drive me to drink even. 
Ya some day I’ll be all Jacked up.
Maybe some day I’ll not care.
All I really want is to have fun, sniff a few butts, and get acquainted with the ladies of the house.
So why all the hostility?
All I require is peace among my fellow captives, a soft place to lie,
And an occasional belly-rub and life could be grand.
By the way, my human Mary had a birthday this week. She was given a guidance device named Garrmin
All the humans sang songs as Angel left the room in a hisss. Hates music. What planet is this wench from? Cookies were also awarded, but I passed. No fish flavor. No thanks. I wouldn’t feed them to my human. However it was the first smiling faces that I’ve seen, since my arrival. 
I hope to see you soon, before I loose any more body parts. Being male I must divulge at least a hint of all the twisted secrets they are holding back for no apparent reason. Big deal! Later then; your XY brother.
